I found my missing box of altar supplies today. I hadn't even realized that I was missing so much, or I probably would have found it earlier. A couple years ago, I simply stopped doing magic, devotionals, meditation, the whole deal. It wasn't a conscious decision; it just kinda happened. The usual excuses: life got busy, I didn't have time for it, (ironically) I was too stressed to pay attention to it. (Ironic because it was probably the one thing that could have helped me with the stress. But I was new to the discipline, and it was still an effort.) So for whatever reason, it slipped out of my life. After a few months, one of my cats started getting into the altar closet, which I had attempted to secure. Since I hadn't even so much as looked at my altar in months, I decided that the wisest course of action was to box up the stuff rather than try to outsmart my cat to keep him out. Recently, I've pulled my stuff back out and resumed practicing. The only things I had figured out were missing were my altar cloth and some pages from my book of shadows (which is currently the budget version; a 3-ring binder). Well, I was re-organizing some stuff, and found this box that I didn't know what it contained. Turns out, it contained lots of stuff from my altar. The altar cloth and pages were in there, as well as a chalice, some candles, some incense, some stones, some matches, etc. And my quartz wand. Which is now broken in two. My wand was the one thing I had which really, truly, seemed to contain magical properties. It was the one tool I had which actually seemed to assist in my magic. And it's broken. Of course that doesn't mean that I can't practice magic without it; I've been doing just fine these past few months, did just fine before I had it, and to be completely honest with you, I had completely forgotten that I owned it. I spent a while trying to figure out what this might mean (even if all it means is that my wand is broken). I really felt that it meant something more than the mundane, and I finally figured out that I think it's simply a communication that putting aside my spirituality is not a thing to be taken lightly. I think it probably broke around the time I forgot I had it. I pushed magic away because I was in a lot of emotional pain, and my coping mechanism, such as it was, was to ignore that. Of course, when I ignored my own emotions, it became impossible to raise energy. Even simply speaking a devotional, because it brought me more in touch with my emotions, made me feel worse. So instead of healing, like I should have, I packed it all away and didn't listen. The broken wand is a reminder that spirituality really is a necessity for emotional health. (And I believe that's universal, whether you're pagan, Christian, atheist, or whatever religion you may choose... Even the "areligious" who think all religion is poppycock are religious in a way, because they religiously hold the belief that religion is poppycock.) I'm going to hold onto the broken wand until it's ready to be released. Until the message has been received deep enough inside of me that I won't forget. There is a piece of me that wanted to keep it until I could replace it (I don't have the money right now), but I quickly realized that didn't make sense. The wand is broken; it's not going to do what I want it to do in its current state. Holding on to it for that reason would be an attempt to pretend it hadn't happened. I have to accept that my own actions caused it to break. When it's ready to be released, though, I'll bury it, and thank it for its help during its brief stay with me. Maybe the timing will align and it will be part of a Samhain ceremony, but I won't force it. It'll tell me when it's time, if I'll listen.

I'm curious what all of you think of these questions.

Here's what got me thinking about it: my tarot cards aren't speaking to me right now. It's happened once before, when I wasn't in the right frame of mind for energy work, but it was in combination with a lot of other stuff... That time, my altar pushed me away, I got no benefit from daily devotions, all kinds of things. I just had a several month period with no spirituality in my life. Eventually I discovered that it was because I wasn't listening to my own needs in mundane matters, and I had, therefore, shut off my ability to hear spirituality. When I changed my behavior and paid attention to my needs, it all came flooding back. But now, my tarot cards aren't speaking to me again, although everything else is ok. I'm not sure what that's about.

Today, I really needed some sort of guidance, so I used the fallback that my husband and I use for tarot in a pinch: facade.com. I got a really good reading out of it, like usual. It's strange; it's the only website that I can get a halfway decent tarot reading out of it, and it's usually very accurate and poignant. Today, it got me thinking about "distance" tarot. Facade.com and similar websites are the most extreme example, because there's no one at the other end doing the reading; a computer does the reading. But also, there are plenty of people who will do a reading for you if you send them some minimal information, sometimes merely your birthdate or the question being asked. Oh, and money. Those people require money, in addition to information. ;) But can a reading really be valid under such circumstances? Obviously, I believe in facade.com, but the idea of it working flies in the face of my intuition, and isn't intuition what tarot and similar techniques are all about? This is a continual source of mystery for me. I'd love if someone has some interesting insights.

On a different (but related) note, I've been thinking about the interpretations of spreads. I don't mean a specific reading, but more generally, as in what each position in the spread represents. For instance, in the celtic cross, what do you think the card above the two crossed cards represents? I've heard that it represents present situation, obstacles, the best that can be obtained, etc. I don't think I've ever seen two people apply the exact same set of meanings to each position in the celtic cross. More to the point, when you read for someone else, who also reads tarot, whose interpretations do you use? I generally would say that you use the interpretations of the person doing, rather than receiving, the reading, but I've heard other theories.

I did watch the lunar eclipse this morning. It was amazing. It's been a long time since I watched an eclipse, and it was nice to take the time out. This was also the first time I've ever done ritual durig the eclipse. I didn't do anything fancy, just communed with the energy around me and opened myself up to let the event speak to me. It said some interesting things.

Whether it was the eclipse or the ritual or both in some combination, when that last pinpoint of light went out, I felt like a puppet whose strings were dropped. I felt free to experience my own emotions unimpeded by any external forces.

The most surprising thing I learned was that I feel secure. This is very strange, considering that I am in the middle of a job search and the banks are threatening foreclosure on my house, but that's what I feel. I know that, should the worst happen (my house gets foreclosed on and no one will rent to us because of our poor credit and lack of cash to put upfront), I will still have myself, I will still have my husband, and somehow things will be ok. Even to put a worse outcome on it, and imagine that for some reason I no longer had my husband, I still would have myself and life would continue. Thus, I feel secure. To be honest, I had never guessed this. It's good to know.

I alluded to this in my last post, so I thought I'd make a post about a pattern I noticed regarding my most powerful planets.

Context: This goes way beyond sun sign astrology; I'm looking at individual transits of individual planets in my full chart. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out www.astro.com. This is the kind of stuff where you have to provide your exact birthday to get your horoscopes to be accurate. (Regarding astro.com: If you don't know what time you were born, put in noon and disregard anything having to do with ascendant, med. coeli, or houses.)

 

The meat:

I already knew that I kinda had 3 groups of planets. Sun, moon, and Pluto were my most powerful; any transit that involved one or more of them as either the transiting or natal element would most likely affect me more strongly than most people. Venus and Mercury were the next group; these affected me just slightly more than average. The last group is the remainder: Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, and Neptune. Transits that only involve those four will still affect me, but more weakly than I would expect based on other factors.

I was studying the planetary rulers of the signs one day and just to fiddle with them and familiarize myself with them, I started doing an iterative thing that goes as follows:

I started with my sun, since that's generally seen as the most important planet and the "identity" planet. My sun is in Cancer, which is ruled by the moon. My moon is in Scorpio, which is ruled by Pluto. My Pluto is in Libra, which is ruled by Venus. My Venus is in Gemini, which is ruled by Mercury. My Mercury is in Cancer, which brings us back to the moon and we could cycle around forever.

So the list comes out: Sun, moon, Pluto, Venus, Mercury. When I saw that, I was pretty astounded. I tried it on my husband; asked him what his most powerful planets are before I told him what I was doing. His matched up, too. Now, two people does not prove anything, so I don't in any way assume that this necessarily works for everyone, but I thought it was pretty cool. Regardless, those are my power planets, and I pay more attention when they transit. 

In case you weren't aware, there will be a lunar eclipse on the morning of August 28th. Where I live, the sun will rise while the moon is in total eclipse (meaning also that the moon will set while in total eclipse). It should be a very cool thing to observe.

Lunar eclipses in general are important events for me. See, I've always been very much affected by the moon (hence my use of it in my magickal name). My menstrual cycle aligns almost exactly with the moon; I start on the day of the full moon or 1 or two days prior, consistently. And in astrology, moon transits affect me much more strongly than they affect most people. 

Most transits are considered to have their effect when they are within 1 degree of the moment at which they are exact. In the case of the moon, this is a few hours, at most. However, most moon transits affect me for an absolute minimum of half a day, and when the moon is transiting one of my most powerful planets (primarily sun, moon, or pluto... I'll explain that in a future blog post), the transit is sometimes in effect for more than 24 hours. 

And, of course, there's also the simple fact that I am riveted by the moon every time I see it. If I'm in the car on a clear night, it's best if I'm not the one driving, because I will have difficulty tearing my eyes away from the moon.

So, even though lunar eclipses aren't uncommon,  this one seems like it will be very profound; the eclipse will begin early enough that it will be quite dark, but the sun will rise (and moon will set) almost exactly at the midpoint of the eclipse. I'm looking forward to it, and will probably devise some sort of ritual for the experience. It will probably involve a tarot reading, but that's about all I know so far.